10 pm is a far different land than 11:30

Dear Jay Leno,

So, I saw you being interviewed by Bob Costas last night during halftime of Sunday Night Football on NBC. It was a lame attempt to promote your new show, which premieres tonight. I’ll start by revealing my preexisting bias…I’m not a fan. Actually, that’s an understatement. I do not think you are funny. I cannot recall the last time I watched your show, and it’s not just because I am old and working for the and therefore asleep at a ridiculously early hour. When I do stay up, I will watch The Daily Show or Adult Swim programming or Letterman, but never you, Jay. Not even the presence of a favorite actor or musical guest is enough to win me over.

This brings me to the problem with your new show. Actually, I have a lot of problems with it, starting with the fact that I wonder what in the holy hell NBC is thinking by cutting 5 hours of normal programming for this terrible sounding idea. I mean, not that I believe that any show they chose to put on would be even halfway decent, but at least there’s a one-in-five shot of another The West Wing or ER or Hill Street Blues.

But as usual, I digress. The main issue I have with the show is that, as I you pointed out in the interview, “it’s a comedy show, not a talk show” which means that there are no guests or interviews. And therein lurks the problem. A tempting actor or enjoyable band is, in fact, the only reason I would even consider watching the program. The rest of the show is crap. The monologue filled with insightful topical humor (politicians often contradict the things they say with their actions. Celebrities and athletes often behave badly in public. How comical!). Your cleaver parsing of comically worded headlines (they meant “duck” but they wrote “dick”! Ha ha!) And, worst of all, “Jaywalking”, a segment in which you go out into the streets and find people who are stupid and then display their stupidity on TV for the amusement of others. Didn’t anyone teach you that it is not nice to make fun of people? Even if they are fame whores who deserve it.

From what I understand, this new show will be almost entirely composed of the “funny bits” listed above. And, apparently, celebrities driving little green racing cars around? I don’t know… I wasn’t really following what you were saying to Bob Costas last night. I was distracted by the weird delay that caused the two of you to have to awkwardly pause before responding to questions, as if you were on an overseas phone call from 1963. And that was nothing compared to your “jokes” during that segment. They were horrible. A sample: “gee Bob, the Packers seem to have a really great quarterback playing for them tonight…Jay Cutler!” (Cutler, of course, was the quarterback for the Packers opponents, the Chicago Bears. He was having particularly bad night, which was good for Green Bay. See what he did there?) Oh, Jay. Five hours a week of that? Sorry, no can do.

You seem like a nice enough fellow, and you know, NBC is handing you this show, so it's not like I would expect you or anyone to turn it down (not to mention the boatloads of cash that I'm sure come along with it). But, that doesn't mean I have to watch it. I'm rooting for at least one good scripted, hour-long drama to emerge on some network to keep me entertained weeknightes from 10 -11.